InsaneJournal

She Stoops to Conquer
Title: She Stoops to Conquer
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Severus Snape/Hermione Granger
Rating: PG13
Summary: The diary of a young witch who is madly in love with Severus Snape.
Author's Note: It's a silly story. But the bunny wouldn't leave me alone. Written pre DH, meaning it's now totally AU. The title, btw, is from a play by Oliver Goldsmith.



September – December


September, just back at Hogwarts
Dear Diary,
It is strange to be here, after all that happened last year, what with the War and everything. But the War is over and things are back to normal. The school has opened again, and the students and teachers are back. So, here I am now, back at school for my final year and the NEWTs – and for something else. The most important thing of all! This year, I’m going to make The Attempt. I will make Severus Snape aware of me and fall in love with me! This demands courage and cunning. But I’m a Gryffindor and a woman, and I know I will succeed! I have to.




September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
First class today. I spent all the time watching him, listening to his gorgeous voice and planning my tactics instead of paying attention. Thankfully, he didn’t notice. If someone had told me years ago that I would fall in love with him, I’d have hexed them! No one could have foreseen that! He’s so not my type! He’s not handsome or flirty or polite. But, oh, he is so sexy! The way he talks, the way he moves … and he will be mine one day!




September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Horrible lesson today. I had such problems understanding what he was talking about! But, oh, he’s so brilliant! And his voice … hmmm … it made me giddy just to listen to him! I must study more and ask intelligent questions. That will make him realise I’m not a stupid young girl, but a mature, intelligent woman!




September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
I got my essay back. It was full of snide comments and crossed out sentences and the comment at the end … Oh, he’s so mean! I had to charm my eyes to make the puffiness go away. Thank god Lavender found that charm!

Lesson was horrible as well. I was so busy trying to understand that I had no time thinking about intelligent questions and then was forced to listen to a lively discussion between dearest Severus and the Enemy. I hate her!




September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I made progress! Yay! I spent last evening reading my textbook to be properly prepared for today’s lesson, and I was quite satisfied that I understood it all so well. Then, in class, I asked an intelligent question. Yes, the Slytherins sniggered, but that’s what they always do! I didn’t pay attention to them. They don’t deserve it. The Enemy seemed to hide a grin as well. I hate her! But I know I impressed him. Okay, he didn’t answer my question, just sneered at me, but his eyes glittered. Yes, he will come to admire my intelligence!




September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible weekend. I spent it in the library, reading and writing my essay for him until I had a headache. And then, yesterday, Professor Flitwick handed our Charms essays back and I was so horrified to see my results! I never got such bad results before! It was most mortifying.

DADA today was even more difficult than last week. I don’t understand it, but apparently even the Slytherins understood it. I must study more. Perhaps I can borrow some additional books from the library?




September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
My friends think I’m going crazy with all the time I spend in the library. They want me to come outside with them and have fun. But I can’t take the books outside because Pince, the old hag, wouldn’t loan them to me, and I need the books to write my essays. And I must write intelligent essays! Otherwise he’ll think me stupid.

Besides, sometimes I see him in the library. I cherish these moments, even though he ignores me, but that in turn means I can watch him all I want! The only bitterness is that he does greet the Enemy. Only a short nod or curt word, but he notices her. I hate her.




September, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
What am I doing wrong? This essay was … oh, he’s so mean and horrible! Why did I ever fall in love with him? I hate him!

My Secret Sister has by now figured out there’s something going on with a boy. She was a little angry because I didn’t tell her, but I thought that after her heartbreak last year she wouldn’t want to think about love. She cried a little, but then recovered and promised to help me. I didn’t tell her who it is, though. She wouldn’t understand and only make things harder for me. That made her angry again, of course, and she threatened to find out on her own, but I made her promise not to. She was narked, so I told her it was a bad omen if anybody knew. That’s not even a lie. And it made her drop the matter instantly.




September, Thursday
Dear Diary,
No, I don’t hate Severus. I love him, love him, love him! I was just being bitchy. And his comments on my last essay … okay, they were pretty mean, but when I looked at them again, I noticed that there were subtle hints at how I could improve! That’s progress, don’t you think? He’s trying to help me. Oh, he’s such a darling!




October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
I really think my endeavours show results. He didn’t scowl at me today. He didn’t deduct house points from Gryffindor, either, not even from Harry! He was even almost polite when a certain someone started showing off her knowledge again. I’m so happy! I will redouble my efforts.




October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Another essay back full of red insults. Had to apply Lavender’s Charm again, but I will not stop!




October, Sunday
Dear Diary,
Hogsmeade weekend. It was nice to get out of the castle and spend time with my friends. I’ve barely seen them these last weeks what with all the studying. We had a lot of fun, went through all the shops, spent a lot of money, and gossiped. Juicy gossip! I couldn’t believe it, but Phoebe swore that Nancy had seen Stephanie doing it with Alexander Badcock from Hufflepuff. And he’s a year younger than Stephanie!

But the best thing about today was that at Sant’s Treasure Trove I saw just the right Christmas present for Severus! It’s gorgeous, but awfully expensive. I will have to save up my pocket money to buy it. Hm, perhaps I can persuade Mum to give me some extra money? I’m an adult, after all! Adults need more money than children. Oh, I must buy it for him! It’s too perfect!




October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Oh, I’m so dead! I fell asleep last night over my DADA essay and had no time this morning to finish it! I had to hand in an incomplete essay! Oh, no! This will ruin everything! And I will get a bad grade!




October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Spent the weekend fretting. My friends thought I was coming down with something since I was so pale and had no appetite and flinched at every noise. Yesterday, they dragged me off to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey gave me a potion to calm my nerves. It was of no use because when we left the hospital wing, we met Severus, who looked like a thundercloud. We hurried to leave, but still heard him bellowing at Pomfrey that if she wanted a special potion she ought to ask Professor Riley, the new Potions professor, or even the Granger-chit to brew it for her, but not him, since he wasn’t Potions master any longer. Gosh, he was furious! Uh …

And I was so right about the essay! The look on his face when he handed me the essay back! And his words! ‘I know that even you can do much better!’ I want to die!




October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I seriously thought about faking ill to skive off DADA. But my friends dragged me along. Good thing they did. Saw the Enemy pegged down. Hah, serves her right! Going on and on and pestering poor Severus with questions no one understands or wants to understand! And this arrogance! As if only she knew what he was talking about! What is this roisin dubh, anyway?




October, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible day. Turned out that Enemy was right about this rose-thing being a powerful Dark spell. Apparently, it’s a kind of black rose created from malice, and when you touch it, coldness creeps into your heart and slowly turns it to ice. Uh, horrible! But how did she know? Damn. Must study more. I can’t allow her to know more than I do!




October, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I got desperate after so many failures and thought I had to take a more direct approach to show him what an intelligent woman I am. So, I approached him in the spirit of recklessness (I’m a Gryffindor, after all!!) and asked him for permission to enter the Restricted Section. Ever since the War it’s out of bounds to everybody, and only with permission from the DADA professor the old hag Pince will let you enter. He stared at me and asked what I needed from the Restricted Section. Oh, his voice … so soft … oh … I told him I wanted to do further study on the subject we’re dealing with in class. He sneered at me, but his eyes glittered and he signed the permission. Yay!

But the best was, when I left his office, I bumped into the Enemy who apparently wanted to see him as well for one thing or other, and after the door had closed behind her I noticed that my shoelace was undone so I had to linger and tie it, and I heard the murmur of voices, and then he laughed. It was an amused, but cruel laugh, and I so did not pity her for making him laugh at her!




October, Tuesday, Hallowe’en
Dear Diary,
I’m so frustrated! Class was okay, but the Feast … I wore new robes and had my hair done really elegantly. Noticed several boys staring at me, which was very nice, but Severus ignored me completely. And none of my wonderful little plans worked! My Secret Sister and I had thought about ways to approach him during or after the Feast. She still doesn’t know who he is, but she helped me making up several tactics that I could use. But just when I saw my chance, some idiot boy from Hufflepuff chatted me up and then spilled his drink on my new robes! I tried to charm the spots away, but it didn’t work. Damn, my new robes ruined!

And just the crown of the evening was that when I left, I saw Severus talking to the Enemy! I couldn’t get close enough to listen in on them without them noticing me, so I hid behind a suit of armour to watch. They didn’t talk long, but he didn’t sneer at her, either. And then a Slytherin brushed past her so that she stumbled and fell against him, and he took her arms to steady her, and for a moment it looked as if they were embracing! And Severus neither scowled at her nor did he deduct House points! He said something that made her smile before he inclined his head and walked away! I want to tear her hair out! I hate her!!




November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
This was the second week I spent in the Restricted Section, and I will never go there again. Impressing him or not, the place is just plain scary! I must find another way.




November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Slytherin lost dramatically to Gryffindor on Saturday. Class was horrible.




November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
My poor Severus is still gliding through the hallways with a dark scowl on his face and keeps deducting points from Gryffindor. I couldn’t concentrate in class at all today, because I kept fantasising on how I could lighten his mood. Oh, delicious daydreams … But, of course, he caught me and I lost 15 points for daydreaming in his class. My friends nearly exploded, but I wasn’t angry. Everybody knows that deducting House points from Gryffindor makes him happy, and if these 15 points made him happy, I’m not going to protest.




November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
A day of triumph! I finally managed to shine in DADA! Yes, yes! Severus and Harry were heatedly discussing some spell or other, with the Enemy forever interrupting. I noticed how annoyed Severus was at her stupid arguments. And though I was pretty nervous, I joined the discussion and quite cleverly destroyed every single argument she brought forth. Hah! He thanked (!!) me for my contribution, and then he cast a quick glance at her with such an expression of malicious glee on his face! I saw how her lips twitched, and then she hung her head, no doubt to hide that she was crying. Oh, glorious day!




November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Less red than ever before on my essay! I saw the glitter in his eyes and I know he’s proud how much I have improved! Well, I certainly worked hard enough!




November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Tired. Spent whole weekend in library and on the DADA essay. This is all so difficult! Wrote Charms essay last night. Almost forgot the one for Herbology and had to write it during break. Fell asleep in my favourite class, though ever since we got the new teacher years ago, it hasn’t been the same. I wonder how I could ever think him gorgeous. He’s nothing in comparison to darling Severus!




November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Missed DADA today because Amery sent me to the hospital wing (Amery = new Transfiguration teacher and Head of Gryffindor, nasty old hag). She said I looked worn out and ordered me to get a Pepper-up from Pomfrey. Stupid Pomfrey kept me for ages, and I arrived to DADA just in time to see the students leave the classroom.

I thought at first that this would be my chance to talk to him under the pretence of asking for homework, but the Enemy was still there and they were discussing some thing or other. She was waving a book in his face and he was snarling at her. Hah, serves her right! I stepped in to save my dearest Severus, but he snarled at us both and threw us out of his classroom and then bellowed at her something about reading the wrong books and stuff. I had to ask her for homework, and she snapped at me and stormed off. I never really liked her, but after what she did to my Secret Sister last year I began positively hating her, and now she’s forever standing between Severus and me! Stupid cow!




November, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Horrible day. Felt crampy and sick. Got another essay back full of red. It’s most unfair! I went to his office hour on Friday afternoon to ask what they did in class last Thursday. He sneered at me, asking if my classmates’ notes weren’t good enough for me, and when I said I thought it best to get information directly from him, he laughed harshly and told me to read the chapter on Magica Maleficia in the textbook. So I did. But all I got was another nasty comment on my essay on how I apparently didn’t understand the most basic facts.

Went to Pomfrey and got a potion for the cramps.




November, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Feel sick. And tired. Quarrelled with Secret Sister and embarrassed myself in DADA. Essay from Flitwick back with the comment that ‘apparently I have been neglecting my studies.’ But DADA is so difficult I have no time left and I must be good in DADA!

Went to the hospital wing for another Pepper-up. Pomfrey gave me odd looks, the ugly old hag.




December, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Term’s nearly over and I’ve made no real progress. I don’t know what to do anymore. I keep on studying and studying but it doesn’t work! My marks aren’t getting better in DADA and down in every other subject! I’m going to be thrown out of Hogwarts, and my parents will be happy because they didn’t want me to come back at all with what happened here last year and with Severus back as teacher and everything. And then I will never see Severus again! This can’t happen! I won’t survive it! I must work harder and study more. I can’t leave Hogwarts! Not now, not this year! It’s my last chance with Severus!

But it’s all so much! Friends are still angry. I’m lonely and tired and Severus still hasn’t noticed me as a woman and I’m so sad …




December, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Haven’t written for a week. I couldn’t because I wasn’t even allowed to come near a quill and a book. I had a nervous breakdown last Thursday in Charms and spent the week in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey kept me there even after she had given me several calming potions and stuff because she said I was totally worn-out, took too many potions in too short a time and was becoming undernourished. Honestly, what does she think? I have to keep my figure! But she said so and Amery agreed and I spent a horrible week in hospital wing. It was not only a dead bore, but I was also missing all of my classes, couldn’t even see Severus, and was getting desperate.

After Pomfrey was satisfied that I was okay, I had counselling sessions with the Headmistress and Amery (so embarrassing!), and they both forbade me to study as much as I’ve been doing during the last weeks. They told me both that grades aren’t everything and that I mustn’t ruin my health. Silly cows, I’m not doing this for grades, but for Severus to notice me!

I have to admit, though, that they are right. I can’t keep going on as I did. I must slow down; besides, it didn’t really work out, did it? Whatever small progress I made in September and October vanished over the last weeks. What’s more, I realised that it’s not a sign of maturity and intelligence if I work myself to exhaustion just for him and neglect my other subjects. So, in future I will divide my time equally between my subjects. It can only get better.

Yes, girl, that’s the spirit!

However, I must work out new tactics.




December, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Spent this lesson staring at him and trying to come up with new tactics. But I couldn’t think of anything. It’s good that it’s Christmas break soon. Maybe when I’m home, I’ll come up with a new idea.

But Christmas break means two horrible weeks without seeing my beloved! Oh, I can’t stand it! It hurts to even think of it! Not seeing him glide down the halls, not hearing his silky voice hiss insults … oh, no!

Maybe I can dare Colin to take a picture of him and then take it with me? Or perhaps the library has old copies of the Daily Prophet with his picture?




December, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Today was the last DADA class before the break. I will miss him so much! Tomorrow evening I will be packing my trunks and going home. Two weeks without Severus! Horrible!

I don’t have a picture. There was no opportunity to talk to Colin, and I couldn’t find old Daily Prophets in the library. Do they even keep them there? Damn. But at least I’ve figured out how to give Severus the present. I will order a house-elf to give it to him on Boxing Day. Isn’t that clever? I have it all wrapped up nicely and written a card that I signed with a witch that loves and admires you. Isn’t that mysterious and romantic? Oooh, I’d love to see his face when he opens it! But I can’t. Anyway, I’ll see from his face next year what he thinks of it. I hope he’ll like it, but I think he will. It’s so gorgeous and so nicely shows the depths of my feelings for him!

Oh, dear diary, I love, love, love him so much! I must find a way to win him!





Notes:

Sant’s Treasure Trove
= here a jeweller, but actually Sant and the Treasure Trove is part of Hystoria O Uuched Dewi (the Welsh Life of St David). Sant is the father of David, who is for the Welsh what St Patrick is for the Irish. Sant was told by an angel that he would find three treasures to mark the place that his son would once possess (the treasures, by the way, were a stag, a young salmon, and a bee hive; well, fashion changes).

roisin dubh (Irish)
= black rose. It wasn’t my idea; I borrowed the concept from Mark Chadbourn who in turn said he borrowed from Celtic mythology.
(I think he meant Irish mythology, since Celtic mythology in that sense does not exist, Celtic being nothing more than the name of a language family that is used to pigeon-hole the various different tribes that lived in Ireland, Britain, Wales, France, Spain, Germany, Italy, and Turkey *rant*)

Magica Maleficia (Latin)
= during the Middle Ages the expression for every magic done with ill intention (curses etc.)



*


January – March



January, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Back at Hogwarts. It was a close call for me. After my breakdown in December, my parents were even more unwilling to let me go back. But I managed to convince them with the help of my Secret Sister, who came to visit in January.

I was so happy when I came back two days ago! And then I saw him when we arrived at the castle! He strode up from Hagrid’s hut, I suppose, the Enemy at his heels. He looked as if he was close to hexing her. Why can’t she just leave him alone? I hate her. And I love him so much! My heart was beating in my throat, and my hands were shaking, and I was breathless when he brushed past me. He touched me! Yes! His hand brushed mine! Oh, what a feeling! Was it deliberate? Oh, if it was …

Class today was only a repetition, so I could let my mind wander and admire him. He’s so dashing! My Secret Sister and I worked out a new plan, though she still doesn’t know who the man in question is. I think she believes it’s Harry. I will let her believe it, because even though she is my Secret Sister, and I love her dearly, she wouldn’t understand me. Severus is not the kind of man I fancied before. But what are looks in comparison to this voice and this grace and … oh, Severus is just the sexiest man alive!




January, Thursday
Dear Diary,
First essay was due today. It isn’t nearly as long as the ones I wrote last year and certainly not as good. On the other hand, I had time to write the ones for Charms and Transfiguration. I dread what he’ll say.

Today was also the first day of my new tactics my Secret Sister and I came up with: if I can’t impress him with my intelligence, I shall enchant him with my beauty. No man can resist a pretty young witch! And I am pretty. Even the mirror says so.

So, I’m going to improve my looks. Not so much that it gets noticed and sets the tongues wagging, but enough to make a difference. And according to the new tactics, I wore my hair in a different style today. I saw it in a Witch Weekly some time ago, and it’s called Sophia’s Sophisticated Sphere. It’s a beautiful kind of bun, and even if it doesn’t look the way it does in the picture, it’s still pretty. I certainly look good. And he noticed! I know he did! Yay!




January, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Essay back. Wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. Wore the Sphere again today, though I mustn’t wear it too often. It will get boring. It’s so annoying that we must wear school robes. I got such a pretty new gown for Christmas!




January, Thursday
Dear Diary,
New day, new hairdo. This one is called Transcendental Triangle. I found it in a magazine a sixth-year loaned to me. I wasn’t sure about it, but my Secret Sister said it’s beautiful. And she was so right! I noticed how Severus kept stealing glances at me throughout class! So, finally, he noticed me! My tactics are already working. Oh, I’m so happy!




January, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Today I wore my usual hairdo, a simple long braid. But together with it, I wore the earrings my parents gave me on my seventeenth birthday. They are very pretty, golden and with small diamonds and lapis lazuli. They make me look older. In addition, I wore a little more make-up than I usually do. I looked splendid! Even my impossible mirror said so! Ah, the looks the boys gave me! And I think I surprised Severus. It was so cute! He looked at me and then looked again as if he couldn’t believe what he saw. I simply smiled at him. He grimaced as if he was trying not to smile and didn’t look at me again. Do I have him flustered? Progress! Oh my god, I’m so happy!




January, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I tried another braid today with five instead of three strands. My arms hurt after I was done. It looks a bit jumbled, but intriguing. I wore large gold hoops and a small necklace. The boys kept glancing at me. It was such a nice feeling to be so admired! The Enemy cast me a derisive look, but what does she know anyway! And then she got into a discussion with Severus again! It was really boring. They kept arguing, with occasional arguments from Harry or Ron or one of the Slytherins, but most of the class was very much bored. She’s such an egoistic, arrogant little snob! Monopolizing my Severus the way she does! I hate her!




January, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Today, I wore a hairdo I created myself during Christmas break. Very pretty! I think he liked it. He couldn’t help a small smile when I entered the classroom right in front of the Enemy. I think he appreciated the difference between my sophisticated style and her minimal efforts at looking good. I must remember to be seen close to her more often. Her plain appearance will give me a nice background.

The only thing that saddens me is that my dearest Severus hasn’t worn my Christmas present yet. But I know he got it. I asked the elf. Hm, I think I will listen to the grapevine, maybe I can hear something.




January, Thursday
Dear Diary,
The Sphere today, with decent but gorgeous make-up. Plus, I charmed a small embroidery to the collar and hem of my robes. It’s still school robes, but now they’re a lot more individual.

We got separated into pairs today for practising spells, and I managed to get partnered with the Enemy. It was slightly unpleasant because I got hexed constantly, but on the other hand, it was exhilarating because Severus was watching us for a long time. The expression on his face! Almost soft, and there was such an adorable little smile on his lips!




February, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Slytherin won against Ravenclaw on Saturday. It makes me deliriously happy to see Severus so happy! And he is! He smiled during class! A real, genuine smile. Okay, directed at that Zabini guy – a Slytherin – but he smiled!! I almost fainted!




February, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Another really gorgeous hairdo today: Celeste’s Crown. It makes me look like a princess. I wore little pearl earrings and silvery make-up and looked so stunning that Seamus choked on his Pumpkin juice when I sat down opposite him at breakfast. It was very gratifying.

This comforts me a bit, because I don’t know how Severus has reacted to my looks. He sprang a mock exam at us – in preparation for the NEWTs, he said – and I was so busy with it that I had no time to watch him. I only had time to look up once, but then he was staring at the Enemy, and his eyes were slightly dazed as if he wasn’t really seeing her.

What was a lot more satisfying was that I got finally news via grapevine. Rumour has it he got several Christmas presents from students, but there was one he was extremely pleased about. No one knows what it was, but it came from a witch. He’s said to have been heard saying that the witch apparently knew him very well. I think he was talking about my present. Yay! Oh, I knew he would like it! It’s such a gorgeous little pendant, and I gave him the matching chain for it, too!




February, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
I wore ribbons in my hair I thought looked very pretty. My Secret Sister said so, too. And I know she wouldn’t lie to me, so I ignored Ron’s guffawing at the Enemy’s remark about circus horses. Her hair looks like the fur of these Muggle dogs, poudles or whatever they are called, only it isn’t violet. But equally curly. I don’t care what she says, because my sweetest Severus liked my hairdo. He kept watching me the whole class as we practised spells. I had managed again to be partnered with the Poudle – curly fur is the best background for silken strands adorned with ribbons!




February, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Today, I changed the colour of the stitching on my robes to green. I look good in green and it is a Slytherin colour. No practise in class today, but lecture. Very boring, but then I had a lot of time to watch him and listen to his wonderful voice and think about what to write on the Valentine’s card. It must be something romantic, of course, and slightly erotic. I am, after all, a grown woman! But it mustn’t be too obvious. Hm …




February, Tuesday (day after St Valentine’s Day)
Dear Diary,
My Secret Sister and I spent the whole weekend thinking what to write on our cards. She wouldn’t tell me to whom she gave it because I didn’t tell her to whom I gave it. I can’t even guess! She’s dated no one so far this year. But she must be madly in love, from the look in her eyes. I think it’s mean that she won’t tell me. I’m her best friend!

We sent our cards yesterday morning via house-elf, and I waited the whole day for a reaction. But he only sneered and glowered. It was so depressing. I got five cards, but none from him. Why not? I know he’s interested; this would have been the perfect opportunity to let me know! But no. Nothing from him. I was all the more depressed because my Secret Sister apparently got a card from the boy she fancies, and she was ridiculously happy, but still wouldn’t tell me who it is. I cried myself to sleep last night and had to use Lavender’s Charm again this morning.

Ah, but then came DADA! And there was a reaction! He was astonishingly nice. No snide comments, no insults. He even complimented the Poudle! I saw the comment on her essay about how brilliant her argumentation was and how well done her research and that she had apparently learned to read the right books. He gave her full 100% - and he’s never done that before. Even the best Slytherin only got 99%. I got less insults than ever before and a nice comment on how well I used my resources. Oh, I think I got him with my Valentine card! Yay!




February, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I so think I’m making progress! Dearest Severus is nicer than ever. Everybody says so! He isn’t so nasty anymore in his comments and gives fewer detentions. Plus, I notice how often he looks at the Gryffindor table during meals. Never anything obvious, but with the close watch I keep on him, I notice.

My friends wonder at this change. Someone even suggested that it’s because of a woman, that he’s nice because he’s happy. They shuddered at it, but I nearly burst with happiness! Oh, dare I write it? I think he’s falling in love with me! Oh, Severus … Love me, and I will make you happy forever!




February, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Oh, oh, yes! Progress! Oh, I’m still all dizzy! Dear Diary, I think he was flirting with me today! There is no other explanation for it. He kept shooting glances in my direction, sometimes with a tiny smile. Yes, yes, yes! I knew it! I was so happy that I even didn’t mind that the Poudle’s books kept poking me in the back. She had a stack on her desk, and every time I leaned back (and I did that a lot, because elegantly leaning back makes my robes stretch over my breasts, which is very sexy, and Dean and Seamus kept ogling me), one of those stupid books poked an edge into my back, usually right between my shoulder blades. This didn’t only hurt, but also prevented the right angle for elegantly leaning back. Oh, doesn’t matter, he noticed anyway. Yay!




March, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Another practise class today. I didn’t partner with the Poudle. It’s not necessary anymore; or at least it’s not necessary to pair with her every time. So I partnered with my Secret Sister and the Poudle with Neville. If I didn’t hate her so much, I could almost pity her. Severus watched them practise like a hawk, and we all know what happens to Neville when Professor Snape watches him!

Poor Neville. He got so nervous, and then one of his hexes went wrong, and knocked the Poudle out and Severus had to carry her to the hospital wing. Poor Neville; he’ll get detention for the rest of the term. Severus was so furious! He was pale with anger and only snapped at us to dare not even breathe until he was back before he carried her to the hospital wing. Poor dear, he takes his responsibilities as teacher so seriously! The accident upset him so much that he didn’t even remember to conjure a stretcher, but literally swept her up into his arms and carried her away. I envied her only a little. After all, she’d got hit by Neville’s hex. And I’d rather be conscious when Severus carries me.




March, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
A calm class today. Severus paired me with the Poudle again. He said he didn’t want to risk her life again. That’s very sweet because it means he trusts me to do my hexes correctly, but also very mean towards my Secret Sister because now she has to practise with Neville, and apparently, her life isn’t as important as the Poudle’s. Besides, it’s silly. From all I’ve heard, the Poudle’s been through much worse things during the War! Anyway, Neville didn’t hurt my Secret Sister. Maybe because Severus wasn’t watching him today but me. Oh yes, he was! He did his usual rounds around the classroom, but most of the time he stood right behind me. I could feel his eyes on me, and it made me a little nervous, and ruined my concentration, so that the Poudle managed to hex me even more often than usual. And then she had the nerve to grin at him!

Well, she’s been acting very odd lately. She beams at everybody and always looks flushed and radiant. Her hair’s become even messier! She lies on her bed for hours and stares into space with a goofy smile on her face. I think she’s fallen in love. What a surprise, Missy has emotions like everybody else! I wonder who it is, but I can guess. It’s always been so obvious, isn’t it? The bitch. I hope he breaks her heart! I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done to my Secret Sister!




March, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I really, really think that The Attempt will be successful. Oh, yes, I’m winning! I will get him! There was no snide remark on my essay this time and even a mild praise! I really think he’s falling in love with me! I’m so happy that not even the sight of darling Severus and the Poudle walking down the corridor together angered me. Apparently, she had intercepted him after class and was now bragging about one thing or other. I admire his patience with her! I have no patience at all where Poudle is concerned! I hate her.

Amazingly, my Secret Sister stopped abusing her verbally. She now only shrugs and says, ‘Oh, forget it, sister dear, it’s all past and gone’ and continues to smile dreamily. Her new love has healed her heart. I’m so happy for her!




March, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
He must love me! There is no other explanation than love for the change in Severus! He’s so nice and polite to everybody, even Gryffindors! And just imagine, yesterday, Sarah Webster from Hufflepuff told me during Herbology that her friend Nourah Farradin heard Gwendolene Tregaron tell Laura Cardega that Amy Marsh-Compsey was in the library Saturday afternoon and saw how Severus got a book from the top-shelf for the Poudle and dusted it before he gave it to her!! If I didn’t know better, I’d say it’s someone else pretending to be Severus, but he was still nasty enough at the beginning of the term, and I saw him change and know what caused it.

It must be love. He even looks different! He isn’t as pale as he used to be, and his eyes are warm and more enticing than ever, the way they glint when he smiles. Yes, he smiles often, yesterday morning even during breakfast in the Great Hall! He must have done something about his hair and teeth as well because, Dear Diary, he’s really handsome all of a sudden! And everybody noticed and wonders. My darling Severus, I shall keep our sweet secret!




February, Thursday
Dear Diary,
I still continue my tactics. After all, now, that my darling has become so nice, I want to look my best for him! So, today, I changed the colour of my school robes to a very deep blue. It’s almost black, and you can see the difference only when you look really closely. But no matter how small the difference in colour, it has an enormous effect on my complexion, and together with my hairdo, the Venus (all hair piled on the head in wild curls with a few strands hanging down), and my pretty earrings I look totally stunning. I couldn’t help notice the many sputterings up and down the tables when I entered the Great Hall this morning!

We had another practise class today, and once more I was partnered with the Poudle. We were practising a really difficult Protection Spell. The incantation is Ceilur, which is Gaelic and really hard to pronounce even non-verbally, and the wand movement is a sharp, twist-like motion of the wrist with a flourish. I felt as if I broke my wrist at some point and couldn’t for the life of me get the incantation right. My consolation is that, apparently, not even the Poudle managed to get it right because at one point Severus interrupted us and grabbed her wrist to show her how to do it.

He stood next to her and led her hand through the move, lecturing her on how to do it correctly in that voice that sends shivers up and down my spine! I could have stood there forever, listening to him and enjoying her embarrassment at being thus corrected! But, alas, class ended, and we got tons of homework, an essay on the spell and practice of the incantation. Darling Severus hasn’t changed so much that he would relent and give less homework.




March, Tuesday
Dear Diary,
We practised the spell and the bloody incantation for the whole weekend and really thought we got it right. But we were disillusioned. Apparently, none of us is able to cast even the easiest spell, and we will all fail our NEWTs horribly. And after thus making us all really, really nervous, Severus introduced us to the next Gaelic spell, an attack similar to Stupefy. I don’t understand why we have to learn another spell that works similarly but is much more difficult, and so close to the Easter break, too. Severus ignored our protests and set us working. The incantation is much easier – Benur – but the wand movement will give me nightmares.

And the Poudle got it right! I don’t know how she did it, but she just snapped her wand and narrowed her eyes a little and poof! That cow Parkinson fell back against her friend Maundeyville, looking dazed. Severus raised both brows, said, ‘It seems, Miss Granger, that your training was not a total waste of time,’ and deducted points for attacking a fellow student. Then he set us practising and told the Poudle that since she already proved she could do it, she could make herself useful and mark first-year essays for him. And then he did his rounds and watched us practising, and Poudle sat at his desk, beet red, and hunched over the parchments. Once, I saw her grinning madly. Severus never looked at her, I made sure to observe, but I think he’s been awfully favouring her. I hate her!




March, Thursday
Dear Diary,
Last class before the break, and this time it will be even harder to go home. Yes, I will go home, because my parents told me to come. I hate it. I’d rather stay here. Everybody else does! So, today was the last chance for me to see my beloved for the next two weeks. These weeks will be more than horrible, a torture! Oh, it could be so nice if I stayed! But it will be torture instead.

We didn’t practise spells today. Severus only pushed us through everything we’ve done ever since September, ‘As a repetition’ he said and preparation for the NEWTs, and then gave us a list of books we’d better read for further preparation and threw us out of his classroom. My dearest was very short-tempered today. This is, I think, the last proof I needed. He hates me going home as much as I do. Of course this cheers me, but makes leaving only harder still. I don’t want to go! I want to stay here with Severus! But perhaps I can owl him. Oh, yes, that’s a wonderful idea! I shall owl him, anonymously, but of course he’ll know who the letters come from! Oh, that’s so romantic!!

Now I’m reasonably happy again, and not even the fact that Severus and the Poudle just entered the library together annoys me!




Notes:

Ceilur (Old Irish): imperative 1st person singular of ceilid: to conceal, to hide.
It is really hard to pronounce, since both the c and the l are palatal and the r neutral, which makes it sound like cjeiljurr. (Try pronouncing that while sober!)

Benur (Old Irish): imperative 1st person singular of benaid: to strike.
The pronunciation bjenurr is definitely easier.